Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home

6Sep/110

Hibachi Grill & Supreme Buffet

Posted by pete

Pizza! At a Chinese buffet! Fuck everything about this! I love it!

Holy shit, a Chinese buffet reviewed on a pizza blog. Fuck you because this is history in the making and you probably don't even realize it. There is no reason for me to review this fucking shit but confronted with pizza at a Chinese buffet I felt a calling not unlike Kevin Costner tripping balls in a cornfield. Avert your gaze, mortals:

Well it was dogshit awful. I guess it's just frozen pizza. I wasted some of my vast, priceless, inordinately sexy stomach space on this trash. And I did it just for you. You don't have to thank me, but you probably should. Tasteless cheese, chewy underdone crust, possibly some sauce in there. I ate this thing so fast I don't even know what else to say about it.

The good news is that the rest of Hibachi Grill's food is really good for the most part. The mac and cheese sucks, though. And the boneless spare ribs suck.  Pretty much everything else was awesome, particularly the Hong Kong chicken. And they have bottles of Sriracha for you to guzzle, which is quite satisfactory.

This place is cheap and awesome. The main problem is that they have no booze. Which makes no sense whatsoever. Booze is more profitable than food, and it fills you up to boot. Booze also happens to be the bee's knees.

Come for the pizza, stay for the Americanized Chinese food.

7.5 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Hibachi Grill & Supreme Buffet - $6.59 + tax
356 S. College Road, Wilmington, NC 28403

Hibachi Grill & Supreme Buffet on Urbanspoon

14Jun/110

Hoobie’s NY Pizza & Hoagies

Posted by pete

This place is open, what the shit?

I had given up on Hoobie's after peering through their window one day during business hours to see the place in complete disarray with no signage explaining their being mysteriously closed. When some people made it clear to me that this stupid place was actually still in business, I decided that for the sake of this blog's comprehensiveness I'd give it yet another shot. Hoobie's apparently doesn't sell slices but they did have a 10" pie for $3.23 after tax, which is pretty fucking cheap indeed. They seemed to be rather busy in there. I guess people like this place or something. I went here expecting the absolute worst.

Peculiar beast we have here, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I had anticipated. The crust had a general burnt taste to it. It appeared to be cooked on a screen. I don't know where the burnt taste really came from, maybe from residual char left on the screen/oven floor or something. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as the shit served up by Goodfellas, at least. The cheese was a bit of a conundrum. I don't think it was part-skim due to the high grease levels, but it sort of had that globby consistency. And the taste was a bit odd. Do they add another cheese in here besides mozzarella? Maybe provolone? I don't know. I'm probably entirely off base.

One positive that I am able to report is that the sauce was very good. It was a simple sauce and it tasted good. It wasn't fucked to hell with a bunch of unnecessary spices, which was unexpected and welcomed. That doesn't make up for the crummy crust and questionable cheese, though.

God bless you, Hoobie's, you factory of pizza, you.

5 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Hoobie's NY Pizza & Hoagies - $3.23
2708-B Exchange Drive  Wilmington NC 28405
Hoobie's NY Pizza & Hoagies on Urbanspoon
17Apr/110

Brooklyn Pizza Co.

Posted by pete

Brooklyn II: The Return of Brooklyn


In light of  how glowing  my review of the original Brooklyn Pizza Co. was, this review is bound to be shitty as hell, and more boring than the 'Health Nut' store located next to Brooklyn's Hampstead location. So I'll make this one short.

Looks pretty similar to the slice I reviewed at the other Brooklyn. Similarly small, which continues to baffle me because when I buy whole pies the slices are bigger than this, I swear. In any case, this slice wasn't as good as that other I reviewed, but it was still pretty damn good. If I had to guess, I'd say there wasn't as much sauce and cheese, so it wasn't quite as dank. The crust was good, as always.

I'll also mention that I tried a 'pepperoni pizza pinwheel' (as reviewed by  PCF) or whatever they call em. It was a weird big old undercooked greeseball and not very appetizing, though it filled my fat face pretty well for $2.50+tax. God damn gut grenade. Also, I was charged $2.50+tax for a plain slice. Either Hampstead's price is higher than the other location or the dude fucked up (the dude probably fucked up).

Oh yeah this place has no seating, which is weird. I think  Reel might've been the same way but I'm not sure because I was completely hammered when I went there. All of Hampstead weirds me the fuck out.

Viva Brooklyn!

2 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Wilmington's House of Pizza - $2.70
16865 Us Highway 17 N, Hampstead NC 28443

Brooklyn Pizza on Urbanspoon