Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home

27Aug/1231

Hungry Heroes

What the fuck am I supposed to write here?

Hungry Heroes opened up a few weeks ago in the desolate clusterfuck of traffic some degenerates call Ogden. Initially I was reminded of the defunct Hungry Howie's business over by Eastwood and Racine. I never went there. I only heard they had flavored crust and that was enough for me. I knew it was bogus.

Hungry Heroes seems, by a fair margin, more legitimate.  Meaning they seem to sorta just be a sub joint that sells bread and pizza too since what-the-fuck-why-not-fuck-you-buddy.

This showed immediately when I went there for my slice review some weeks ago. Apparently their air conditioning was not up to the task of cooling a place running pizza ovens, so they said to come back in a week or two for pizza. This bothered me a bit because I had driven about solely for pizza and it was raining like a bastard but at the end of the day I didn't mind too much because I punched a baby so my day was alright overall.

Also they gave me a free loaf of bread. I didn't even buy shit the dude just gave me some bread. They claim to have the best italian bread in Wilmington. I can tell you straight away that's not true because you could get some italian bread from my Mom. She'll probably give you some fruit salad too. Honestly, Hungry Heroes bread is really good, though. Except that they forgot to put any salt in it. Bread without salt is like a tasteless void of pain and discomfort. I still ate it, mind you. However, it made me worry about their pizza.

I was right, sort of; the crust was lacking sodium. However, other than that I would say the crust was stellar. It was so good that I can damn near overlook the under-salting. I mean, I still have to mention it. I'm a reviewer, after all. The crust was the perfect height, well-browned and dry in that sort of way where fuck it you're eating greasy pizza, right? You don't need a greasy crust, too, do you? Oh you do? Fuck you then.

After the crust is a downhill, as might be expected. These guys are all about dough. And Boars Head meat. Are they about good pizza cheese? No. Are they about good red sauce? No.

And there you have it. This place serves up small (16") pizzas as an afterthought. The slices are an afterthought of an afterthought. The cheese is mediocre. It's not offensive or anything. Same thing with the sauce. It's kind of too sweet and it's annoying because damn it's close. And either one of these things could carry the slice into the record books. For Wilmington, anyway.

Rundown: Great crust; bland cheese; bland, overly-sweet sauce. Also cheap as fuck at $1.44 after tax.

Another weird thing about this place is their layout. They have this giant section in the front that is entirely empty and begging for tables to be put in. My only guess is that since they don't have a customer bathroom they're not allowed to have such seating. If so, I don't know where I stand. If a place is too small for a bathroom, wassup? However, let a nigga shit, right? Y'all know you like poopin'.

4 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Hungry Heroes - $1.44
8024 Market St., Wilmington, NC 28411

Hungry Heroes on Urbanspoon

Posted by pete

Comments (31) Trackbacks (0)
  1. Thanks for the heads up! I make it to Ogden maybe once or twice a year. If my ass is going to Ogden, it’s going to Brooklyn’s and nowhere else cause (and I’ll put this in Pete words) why-the-fuck-would-I-go-anywhere-else-fuck-you-buddy.

    PS. Hungry Howie’s was AWESOME. Flavored crust is AWESOME. I miss some Howie’s. It’s not Brooklyn style pizza but don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

  2. I take it Pete must have graduated from a fine institution with his fine grammar and eloquent use of the
    English language. I’m the owner of Hungry Heroes and NOT ONLY DO I USE THE BEST MOZZARELLA
    available…ITS THE SAME WITH MY TOMATOES…I’VE BEEN MAKING PIZZA FROM 40 YEARS…It’s unfortunate
    that some low life can splatter the internet with useless garbage. By the way my slices are inexpensive yes!!!
    I’m the new guy on the block and I have to earn your patronage…Try us in spite of Mr. Intelligent’s useless and incoherent verbiage. Thank You Wilmington!!! Hey Pete…. by purchasing a slice how did you know it’s a 16″ pizza…are you in the business and just trashing your new competitor? Why don’t you give
    us a break…we’re working hard trying to earn Wilmington’s trust and a living…

  3. Glad you made the hole and one, Pete, wasn’t that the year Funigiello destroyed all 18 greens? If it didn’t go in the hole, it would have been another three put green rolling through the mess he created. He’ll fuck this business up too.

  4. Why would you be so hostile towards the Ogden area? Even though there might be mroe traffic as your describe the ‘clusterfuck’ it does offer resident more breathing room than most of Wilmington. There’s also incredible marshlands, tidal creeks, and barrier islands in that region.

    From a business perspective, it’s genius to open a sub/pizza shop towards this area as the town’s definitely growing in this direction— not to mention the sub shops in this town are below par. This reviewer, to me, seems to have some anger issues completely unrelated to Hungry Heroes and the beautiful Ogden/Porter’s neck region of our town. Hungry heroes is a delicous restaurant, small and locally owned. If you prefer to dwell on the negatives then so be it, but maybe you should keep your bias to this region of town up your own butt. We don’t need extra cars out here anyways…

    • …and the only degenerate in this discussion is you, the writer of this post. Where do you live that’s so special, because I’d put money that my neighborhood in, dare I say, Porter’s Neck, is more than you could ever dream of, asshole.

      • i live in a shabby apartment near UNCW. i am very proud of you for living in porters neck. my parents live there, maybe you guys play bridge together or iphone shuffleboard. i do not think my review was terribly harsh. i hope you have a very good day.

        • My point, is that by starting your review by cutting down every person who lives this way “desolate clusterfuck of traffic some degenerates call Ogden” makes your entire opinion worthless, and dumbfounded. SO thanks for sharing :) (I’m surprised you don’t still live with your parents based on how mature your revie was)

  5. people are taking this way too seriously, geez.

  6. The place is a shit hole…guaranteed Funigiello will fuck it up.

  7. Hey “golfer dud” I guess your handle has it right…. a life with no purpose…so you trash
    people who try to work hard an make a living…that’s the definition of a real dud…oh wait I mean dude
    Why don’t you post your real name are you ashamed of your posted content?

  8. So I tried Hungry Hero’s bread recently, and holy fuck was it weird. Not even brown in the crustal area, and completely lacking in salt. Good to know he can bitch about a decent (by your standards) review, but not take any critisism that may make his product edible. I’d rather eat Harris Teeter bread than that crap.

  9. After reading some of the above my conclusion is that Pete needs to learn to spell and get a real job! He is also a little old to be focusing on his mother I beg to differ with “little Pete”. Hungry Heroes is willing tons best kept secret. I hope for my sake it stays that way. It won’t for long. This place makes sandwiched that are unparrelled in this town. If you want a REAL philly cheese stark sub, come to HH. J michaels just up the road is a gray establishment with fine food and a delightful owner. However, HH wins the phily cheese steak contest every time. Pleasant staff, fresh meat and bread and generous portions. There is no once to compare. Have you very had a breakfast pizza. ( I didn’t think so) try it , you will be amazed

  10. P.s. Typo. I wanted to say j michaels is a great establishment , not gray establishment !!’ Spell check getse every time!!!!

  11. Hey “Mr. Pete” Pat from Hungry Heroes….I’d like to extend an olive branch to you. I believe our food is the best you can find in Wilmington and I;d like to first inform you that we will be putting tables in after the first of the year. BTW I wish you’d revisit your review of our pizza. Recently, we have brought someone on board who is recognizably the best pizza maker in this area….his name? Jerry….stop in when you find the time

    • I’ll grab a slice next time i visit my parents. Who the fuck is Jerry? “Who is this mystery wizard … ? His name is ……… JERRY.” I was hoping for Gandalf or something.

  12. Funigiello’s panicked…you can here it in his desperate pleas for “give us a break…waaaa…we’re the new guys in town…waaaa…we have to earn your trust….waaaa, waaaa, and more waaaa. PAck it up buddy and move back to NY where you belong.

  13. Take the olive branch…. So there’s something worth eating in the place.

  14. 2014 New Year’s Resolution:

    BANKRUPT Funigiello! I mean he’ll do it to himself sooner or later, but why prolong the agony. Get this grease-ball and his entire greasy family out of this pure state and on their way back to NY. Don’t support him, bankrupt him, and you’ll see him flee.

  15. As many of you noted, Funigiello uses NO salt in his dough, now why is that? Well, it just so happens that application of salt quickly breaks down the food products it is used on, very quickly. So, the next time, should there be a next time, that you sink your teeth into hungry heroes pizza or bread, what is billed as “fresh” can most certainly be days, weeks, even a month or more old. You have to WATCH THIS GUYS EVERY MOVE. After all, isn’t Brooklyn Pizza a more fitting name for a place than Funigiello’s Hungry Heroes??? Bankrupt this grease ball in 2014, and send him and his entire greasy family back to New York.

  16. So, Funigiello and his salt-less dough that melts in your mouth has you all fooled, ehhh? Well, what he doesn’t know yet is that the joke is on him.

    Owner and “operator” of a $3 million golf and country club to sandwich maker, that is what you have here, and what’s wrong with this picture. Boycott and bankrupt this grease ball in 2014, and send him and his entire greasy family back to New York where they belong, and not in this pure State. Long live, Brooklyn Pizza!!!

  17. Pack it in, “Pat the Baker” – YOU’RE TOAST!!!

  18. Super Bowl Sunday! Is Funigiello BANKRUPT yet??? If not, he should be…$3 million Golf & Country Club owner/operator to “Pat the Baker.” Now that is what I call working your way “up” the ladder of success. Boycott and bankrupt this grease ball in 2014, and send him and his entire greasy family back to New York…him and his month old, salt less bread…boy did he temporarily pull a fast one over on Wilmington.

    • you annoy me, fuck off, banned.

      • if i may, which i may, since this is my site, ill explain myself. i’m posting reviews of goddamn slices of pizza. if some shitdick feels compelled to release his personal hatred on my website, he can fuck right off. people should feel free to post their comments about pizza but please never come on my shitty website and whine about funigublo sexing your wife up. fuck off, suck your own dick and die.

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