Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home

1Mar/116

Slice of Life Pizzeria & Pub

The shitwinds are blowing, here comes Round 3

This is the third Slice of Life location I have reviewed, and hopefully the last. Hopefully I will conclude this terrible blog before they spread their cancer further. I think in previous reviews I decided not to link to their site because it spammed a bunch of aural nonsense which pissed me off, so I'll stick with that. This, as far as I know, is the second location that this terrible local chain has created. As I discussed before, this place thrives off the marrow found in the backbone of drunks - Slice's lifeblood is spinewhiskey; which, incidentally, I would love to try, should it ever really come to exist. Jacking up your late night prices and charging drunks $18+tax for a large pepperoni pizza? You've no shame. Luckily your customers have no brains, so congrats. I wish Congress would pass an Alcoholic Preservation Act to protect wild hobos from the onslaught of abuses coming from rampant capitalism. However, that's the archetypal example of a pipe dream.

Hold on a second, I've got to fill out these bankruptcy forms because I just bought a fucking taco from Slice last night. Never mind, they take plastic. More tequila, por favor.

Since apparently this terrible blog is about reviewing pizza and not critiquing a thriving capitalist business model, I'll talk about the slice after showing you this photo. It looked better in person, I have to say. I'm not a fucking photographer; I'm a fatass.

In any case, this slice is bigger than that of the location on S. College and about the same size, or larger, than that of the location downtown. This discussion of size is sort of relevant when you're paying goddamn $2.70 after tax for a slice. Likewise, as a reasonable person at a bar, I threw my server a tip. It's just basic etiquette, really. I don't even fucking understand it (in this case, when I'm the only person in fucking sight, take up no valuable bar space and she did virtually no work), but having worked in the industry I am forced to live by it. So this slice cost me $3.70.  This is not a pizzeria in the NY sense, it is a bar in the college-town sense, which just happens to serve half-hearted, floppy artery-jangers as a side note.

When it comes down to it, the best thing I can say about this slice is that it is the best slice of Slice of Life pizza I have ever reviewed. It's better than what I got from either the downtown or the South College locations. The bad news is that saying such is not saying much.

The cheese was alright and the sauce, for the most part, wasn't terribly noticeable. The crust was your typical Slice crust and it was the main source of the slice's problems. It was cooked on a screen, apparently. It wasn't bad for the most part but I guess they felt the need to perforate it all over to make it as dense and terrible as physics allows. Fucking great, guys. No one else does this, and there's a damn reason they don't. Like the downtown location (and unlike the slice I got from the South College location), the rim of the crust was coated in a bunch of garlic butter. Fucking terrible. I assume that's on there to entice people to eat the crust, or something? Well, it's disgusting. The slice overall wasn't particularly awful but after eating the rim of the crust, basically all I could taste was shitty garlic butter. Fuck that.

Their menu says that their dough is made with purified water. I would have guessed clarified butter, but what do I know.

5 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Slice of Life Pizzeria & Pub - $2.70
1437 Military Cutoff Rd # 101, Wilmington, NC 28403

A Slice of Life on Urbanspoon

Posted by pete

Comments (6) Trackbacks (0)
  1. I hate this place. I went there one night around 1AM (slightly inebriated), ordered two slices of pizza, and asked for a cup of water. Come to find out they don’t “give” out cups of water past midnight. What the fuck is this?!?! Instead of complaining, I shook cheese all over the floor, and didn’t tip the waitress (who seemed like she hated Slice of Life as much as I did). If you want pizza that tastes like a fucking microwaved Lunchable then go here. Also, if you want to pay extremley high prices for domestic beer, or eat some other shitty concoction they deem food, then visit Slice!

    The only good thing to come out of this place is the review by Pete.
    This may be the shittiest reference ever, but Pete, your tone eerily resembles Ignatius’s in “A Confederacy of Dunces” (stupid-ass literature reference-don’t hate), and for that I love you. Don’t stop with pizza- continue inspring us all.

  2. Instead of your shit reviews, drink battery acid and die in a car fire. Nuge


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