Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home

22Feb/115

Incredible Pizza

A big fucking slice of pizza

I've been to this Incredible Pizza location approximately once before, a number of years ago. This may speaks volumes as I now mention that I successfully went to university like a half mile from this place for an unspecified number of years, and lived probably a tenth of a mile from here for a while, too. When I was living nearby, I was consuming virtually nothing but ramen, pasta, marijuana and hallucinogens, though. Pizza was kind of out of my income bracket, so perhaps it speaks no kind of volume whatsoever. Now that I make decent money for literally or figuratively jerking off, as the case may or may not be, I am free to trek across town to places like this and leave the ramen for my roommate to steal, in a drunken or non-drunken stupor, as the case may or may not be.

The picture above is somewhat of a curiosity in that it does not include a picture of the company's awning, or sign, or whatever. They had one, but it was not lit up and it was dark out. I don't know what the deal was and I'm pretty sure I don't give a shit. I went here not expecting much. Incredible Pizza establishments seem to come and go around here. I don't know if what I just said is a factual statement, but it's the impression I get and that is paramount. My impression also being that it's one of those places like Mellow Mushroom that really seems to depend more upon their toppings than anything else. My reviews tending to be of a plain slice by default, I had my reservations.

Probably before I say anything else it would be best to post a picture of the slice:

This slice is so big they give it to you on two plates. I'm very much okay with this shit right here. Also, I'm also pretty god damn sure this is not how this place used to be. This was reinforced by the fact that the only other dude eating pizza in the place made the exact same observation. This is a huge god damn slice! But, attempting to not be distracted by the enormity of this bastard, I had some very immediate concerns that were soon realized in actuality. Firstly: half this slice is barely thicker than the plates it rests on. I appreciate a thin crust. It is the literal backbone of NY-style pizza. But give me a fucking break, there are limits. This pizza is fairly well beyond those limits. Here's a (fucking terrible) picture I took of the slice's inability to hold up to a simple fold:

The horizontal bit on the right is the angle that the entire slice should have held. The picture is shitty; far shittier than the slice, in fact. Another issue with this slice was that there was a gaping area which was wholly without cheese and almost entirely (I think) without sauce. Here's a fucking close-up:

Pretty unacceptable. If you see the guys at I <3 NY make a pie, they take their god damn time and everything is fucking perfect. That's probably the difference between having people who seem to have a stake in the place making the pizza, and letting college kids make your pies. Shit. That was definitely my Dad's northeast union voice coming out. In any case, that is probably the last bad thing I can say about my slice. And, to be honest, the mistopping of my slice wasn't much of a detraction.

The crust tasted good. More and more, that seems like a rarity around here. As I said before, the slice was also a fucking monster. Their menu indicates the biggest pie they offer is an 18". This shit was cut from a 20"+ pie or my name isn't Shitdick McFuckyoureaders. The cheese was either pretty or very good. The sauce was okay. I don't think there was very much on here, but it didn't negatively affect the slice so it was okay by me. After eating a fair portion of the front of the slice it became holdable via my normal fold method, which was a relief. The slice was quite pricey at $2.70 after tax, but based on the size (and to a degree the overall quality) I'm not sure how terrible this price is, really.

Overall, this slice had it's faults. The last thing I wrote in my notes is that I wanted another, and that really has to count for something. Instead I went to Goodfella's on South College to round out my trip and now I am all ate up with the dumbass as a result because that shit was mostly garbage (stay tuned). I can virtually not factor in the seemingly obscene price due to the bigness of the slice. However, I have to factor in the terrible thinness of the crust, as well as the shoddy workmanship on the topping of the cheese. The question is: how much to subtract? When it comes down to it, I'm forced to give preference to the slice that is best overall, as well as the slice that tastes the best, and the slice that doesn't try to fuck my face with a metric shit ton of shitty cheese because it apparently assumes I'm a morbidly obese American uber-consumer (which I am).

In conclusion, this was a surprisingly good slice. If it were thick enough to hold up to, well, being picked up, and if it were properly topped, it would probably come close to matching Brooklyn and I <3 NY. Being that it is more or less right in between both of those front runners (geographically), it is likely the best pizzeria in the college/midtown area of town. Especially if the Racine/Eastwood Michaelangelo's is now as bad as the one on South College.

Haters gonna hate. BTW they serve beer.

3 recircs out of a possible 8 recircs (lower is better)

Incredible Pizza - $2.70
4719 New Centre Drive, Ste F, Wilmington, NC 28405

Incredible Pizza on Urbanspoon

Posted by pete

Comments (5) Trackbacks (0)
  1. i really think your rude comments are un called for!!!!

  2. “it is likely the best pizzeria in the college/midtown area of town.”

    Rude, indeed, Pete. Rude, indeed.

  3. On a more serious note, though, I’ve been to Incredible’s and had similar sentiments to Pete. However, my palate for pizza being largely indistinguishable from a rat’s palate for shit, the only factor that mattered to me was that the slice was face-fuckingly massive. This is good, because the one thing I care about when I eat pizza is whether or not large quantities of soon-to-be arterial blockage can be forced down my gullet en masse. In Incredible’s (which I would call Inedible’s if terribly sucked, which it sadly does not, and therefore a pun was wasted) case, their pizza serves solely as a means to get fat, which is all Americans really care about, so thumbs up.

    The size of their slice is, at first, mind-fuckingly magnificent. However, a dichotomy is realized when gravity takes over and this cheese monster inevitably escapes your grasp, falling irreversibly into your shit-bird pajama pants, forming a piss-drenched, crotch-rot dough-ball comparable to a pseudo-calzone if calzones were made by drunken ogres. There is likely an established ratio between acceptable pizza length and dough thickness, which I would be able to cite if I didn’t invent it myself. But honestly, unless you’re the white-trash product of excessive inbreeding that caused genetic mutations leading to the development of a third hand (which I suspect a large portion of Wilmingtonians are), you’re not going to be able to hold this god damn slice of pizza for more than three or four tenuous seconds. It’s as if the engineers designing the Golden Gate Bridge used styrofoam beams as support structures. Sure, it’s a fucking expansive bridge, but that shit’s gonna fall apart when you try to eat it.

    Regardless of the pros and cons that result from such a massive slice of pizza, I left Incredible’s feeling more than satisfied. As long as this titan of a pizza slice somehow ended up in my disgusting stomach, I was perfectly content. However, since this pizza blog has turned me into a paranoid recluse, fearful of ever eating out again, I will likely never get to experience Incredible’s again; instead, I am doomed to spend my days sitting at home, shitting out the same tv dinners I consume on a daily basis.

  4. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth.

  5. Yes. Yes he does. <3


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