Wilmington Pizza Insulting the stretch of pavement and stripmalls you call home



Posted by pete


They're not wrong!

I feel complete.

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Very unimportant update

Posted by pete

Instead of finishing the e-book I promised my Kickstarter contributers I randomly built a website featuring local drink and food specials.

It is located right here: sloshr.com

My great, crippled, decrepit empire now consists of:




In my estimation, these sites combined are worth more than a shitty Java game called Minecraft so I am looking for north of 2.5 billion in the event of a buyout.




Pizza Hut Pan Pizza

Posted by pete

This is gonna be a short post. I just want to let you know that Pizza Hut Pan Pizza SUCKS! I know, I'm a pizza snob so of course I think that Pizza Hut sucks. But at some point in the past 20 years Pizza Hut's pan-style offering has gone to complete shit. Hell, even Domino's pan crap is far superior to Pizza Hut, which is a ludicrous bunch of shit if you ask me.


Clearly not pan-formed. No awesome to-the-edge-cheese burnt crustiness. Nothing good in this world, God hates you and he always has, deal with it, Pizza Hut sucks. Toppings seemed liberally applied though and the jalapenos were classically awesome (always my favorite PH topping even as a small child).

The first time I ate Domino's was on a trip to Jersey as a child. We went to a mall specifically to get Domino's because it was my dad's friend's favorite pizza. Me and my brother pretended to eat it but spit it into napkins on the sly. On the other hand, we used to occasionally take trips to Pizza Hut and man I loved their pan pizza. On the off chance that my basketball team won a game, my dad would take us all out to Pizza Hut and I would get a personal pan pizza with jalapenos. If we lost, we were all summarily beaten with a gilded belt.

Nowadays, Pizza Hut pan pizza resembles Dominos regular pizza of yore and Domino's pan pizza fairly closely resembles old school Pizza Hut pan pizza. It doesn't make sense, my childhood is a lie and check this out: FUCK YOU, PIZZA HUT!

p.s. I should mention that my memories might be in relation to the personal pan pizzas, which might still be awesome to this day. I really have no idea. I just wanted to write a post about pizza, my girlfriend bought this recently, and it sucked a lot.

p.p.s. The breadsticks are still awesome in their old-school pizza-hutty way. Or at least that's how it seems to this old bird.

Pizza Hut on Urbanspoon


A newsy bit of buttfuckery

Posted by pete

Say gang, what say you do my work for me: Is Lucianos now called Amore on Market? I'm too lazy to drive over there right now. Likewise, is Wrightsboro Nino's now called Amore Pizza and Pasta? If so, I'm confused as shit. Why is Nino's always involved in some kind of name clusterfuck? Are these places, in anything besides name, new? Did the respective owners both just happen to start taking remedial Italian at the same time and learned the world 'amore' and figured 'Yeah, see, the problem with my business is definitely the name, see, and amore means love, see, they'll love us after this idea rivoluzionaria'? Maybe they're both owned by the same people now and no one taught the owner the concept of branding. The world may never know because I don't care enough to definitively find out.

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Guess that Slice #2

Posted by pete

Loyal reader Heidi sent this monstrosity in. I have to guess that it is from ...motherfucking drumroll... Harris Teeter Oleander. Furthermore, I guess that Heidi had a myocardial infarction after eating this slice so we will probably never know whether or not I am correct. RIP Heidi.


Send me your pizza pictures

Posted by pete

My sister just texted me a picture of some pizza she ate and demanded I guess where it was from. Boom, fuck you, I got it. So send me some pictures. I'll try to guess the source.

Also, I owe some of my loyal readers some stuff (after all, you are basically paying for this website). I will make this right. If I don't, or if you get tired of my shitdickery, I will refund your donations. Just contact me. I'm a shitbird. For real. Could be genetic?

I will also be posting a new review in the next day or two! So there's that!

Filed under: Bullshit 3 Comments